


From the Diaries of the Lady of the Autumn Court (WIP)

by TheOwlSage



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, The Autumn Court (ACoTaR)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 16:48:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20439281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOwlSage/pseuds/TheOwlSage
Summary: The story of Helion and the Lady of the Autumn Court as told from her diary entries.





	From the Diaries of the Lady of the Autumn Court (WIP)

Chapter 1

Hybern. I had hoped to go another five hundred years before hearing that name again. I hardly remember the person I was the last time he invaded, little more than a girl really. This war has made me nostalgic..

I gaze at the bookshelves lining every wall in the room. They hold all of my diaries. I hid them once upon a time, fearing Beron would read them but no longer. He has already done his worst to me and after six sons, he has no reason to visit my rooms.

My fingers trail over the spines until I come to the very first one. I started it after the first ball I had ever attended in the hopes that I would never forget those feelings. Tentatively, I take the diary off the shelf and sit down to read.

*** 

I have never written in a diary before and may never again but I want to remember the night I've just had for the rest of my life.

The High Lord of the Day Court threw a ball to celebrate the Vernal Equinox. The Summer Solstice is their most celebrated holiday but the High Lord hopes his son will find a wife if he puts enough High Fae females in his path. Not being of the Day Court, my family was only invited because there are three daughters of marriageable age.

Eliana and Selene woke me at dawn to begin dressing for the ball. What to wear has been the topic of discussion since the invitations arrived four weeks ago. New clothes were ordered for us all but mine was unlike anything I have ever worn. It took the entire morning for us all to finish with our hair and makeup and very little time was left to change into our dresses before we had to leave. I helped my sisters to dress before finally donning my own.

My dress was white and loosely flowing with a high waisted golden belt to go with the golden leaves pinned in my hair. It was sleeveless and not at all constricting. For the first time in my life, I could move and breathe in a dress. Mother merely pursed her lips when she saw me but father looked at me from head to foot and nodded before winnowing us to the Day Court one at a time.

It was my first time in the Day Court but I knew that it had a thousand libraries. I was unprepared for the splendor I saw when we arrived. The palace towered so high, I could not see the top for the clouds. It gleamed a pearly white that reflected the sun and made it seem as if it were glowing yet it was not blinding to look at.

My sisters pulled me from my staring and into the greeting line to meet the High Lord, his wife, and heir. I'd heard very little about the High Lord of Day and decided to take that as a good sign. Had he been cruel like the High Lord of the Night Court and his ilk, surely it would have been common knowledge.

It was impossible to catch a glance of the High Lord and his family until it was our turn to greet them. Lord Cyrus was striking with his dark skin and golden eyes. He kept his hair short and his crown looked like a dozen rays of the sun. His wife was of a similar dark complexion but instead of black hair like her husband, hers was shockingly silver and her eyes the color of the sea on a clear day. She seemed warm and friendly as she clasped my hand in both of hers and introduced me to her son, Helion.

I heard nothing else that was said as my eyes took in the future High Lord of Day. His onyx hair was a little past his chin and his eyes looked like molten gold. He was the sun personified. A hand on my arm brought me back to myself. Father still hadn't presented Eliana and Selene. I took a step back to allow my sisters to be introduced. Helion's gaze felt like the sun on my skin.

Mother ushered us into the largest room I'd ever been in and I was quickly swept away by the son of one of father's acquaintances. This happened with three other males before I managed to make an escape.

I slipped into one of the many small curtained alcoves on the far side of the room and had barely settled myself before the curtain was pulled back. It was Helion with what I assume was a look of amusement and said "There you are." He produced wine and two glasses from somewhere and seated himself next to me. "Your father never told me you or your sisters' names."

"Eliana is in the blue dress. She’s two years younger than me. And Selene is wearing green. She’s three years younger."

"And the one in white?"

I hoped my blush was hidden by the dim lighting, "Is Cerelia."

The rest of the conversation is a blur now but I've never enjoyed myself so much. We missed the sun ceremony entirely but Helion pulled me to my feet and back into the open when the tune of his favorite song came faintly floating to us.

He didn't let me go for the rest of the night until Eliana finally found me to say father wanted to leave. Helion pulled me behind a large mess of fauna and kissed me. It was deep and I felt it in my fingertips and toes. "I will see you again, very soon. Wait for me."

Is it that easy? Surely a High Lord's only son is everything mother and father could want for me. I could aim no higher.

This is the beginning of the rest of my life.

***  
It's been two weeks since the ball. Helion and I must have different ideas about what "very soon" means. Liana and Lene have been giving me knowing looks since we returned but have not asked and I don't know what I would tell them if they did. I spent the evening with a High Lord's son and thought there was something between us? Foolish. It has only been two weeks and what is that to Fae?

***  
As I sat down to write, a note appeared in front of me. From Helion.

Cerelia,  
Please meet me in the gardens tonight. I have to see you.  
Helion

Cauldron knows how I am to keep this joy from my face for the rest of the day.

***

The tug I feel towards Helion is undeniable. Our stolen hours in the garden were even more amazing than at the ball. He apologized for the three weeks of silence. His father is not convinced of a match outside of the Solar Courts despite his wife being from Summer.

Helion resolved to approach my father before Lord Cyrus gives his approval. There is no point in convincing his father if mine won't agree but father will trip over himself in his haste to wed me to a future High Lord. He is visiting the Forest House to swear fealty to the new High Lord but as soon as he returns, I will send word to Helion.

***

Father has returned and seems to be in a wonderful mood. He has accepted an audience with Helion that is to take place in two days! I think Mother knows why he has requested to meet with father but she has not spoken of it to me.

***

I worry that the meeting did not go well. Helion barely spared me a glance as he left and father's been looking at me accusingly. What could have gone wrong? He has no brothers to challenge him as the heir so there is no question that he will be the High Lord one day. I am at a loss.

***

Something has happened. Father said it is none of my concern what the High Lord of Day’s son wanted here. Mother only shakes her head when I ask and I have had no word from Helion. How did everything go so wrong? Why would Father not agree to the match? I worry what other plans he may have for me. 

***

Cauldron save me. Father’s good mood after his visit to the Forest House has finally been explained. The new High Lord of Autumn has expressed his interest in wedding me. Father said I have no choice and must accept but I cannot give up on Helion so soon. I will wait. I know he will come for me.

***

I am beginning to despair. I have had no word from Helion for months now and the pressure from Father and Mother has been overwhelming. I begged father to give me a year of courting before accepting in order to get to know the High Lord and he reluctantly agreed. I have only met with him twice but I detect a cruelty about him that I lies just under his facade. I once considered myself an excellent judge of character but I’m beginning to think otherwise. I have been wrong about Helion, perhaps I will be wrong about Beron Vanserra. If it seems like I have already resigned myself to a life with Beron, maybe I have. It could not be so terrible. I would remain near my sisters and friends in the land I am so familiar with and I could grow to like him. He is handsome and a good wife can go a long way towards bettering a man.

I will continue to wait for Helion but I am losing hope.

***

In two months I will accept the High Lord of Autumn’s marriage proposal. It is all but done now. I console myself in the knowledge that the marriage will not take place until closer to the Autumnal Equinox. Mother has already had new clothes ordered for the family and I expect my dress has been worked on for the last ten months without my knowledge. 

Eliana and Selene are beside themselves with joy and cannot fathom why I have waited so long. I’ve told no one of my secret hope although I’m sure Mother and Father know. It has weighed heavier and heavier as these months have gone by. Why hasn’t he come for me? Why has he doomed me to a marriage that will never be filled with the love and happiness ours would have been? I must stop asking myself these questions before they drive me mad but I cannot stop agonizing over the life I thought I would have with him. It is made worse by knowing that before I met him, I was content with my lot in life. Marry as I was told, manage my husband’s household, plan his parties, have his children and look lovely all the while. I was raised expecting that to be my life but it does not feel like it will be enough anymore. I was so much happier in my ignorance.

***

The Vernal Equinox came and went with no word from the Day Court. I have little hope of ever hearing from Helion again. I feel as if I am just waiting for the year to run out now and my fate to be sealed. I would have waited for him a hundred years if he had asked but he hasn’t.

***

A year has passed without a word from Helion and I accepted the proposal of Beron Vanserra, High Lord of Autumn, today. My family could not be happier at our new elevated status. Gifts have already begun pouring in from families eager to curry favor. I smiled all the while, playing the part of the elated bride-to-be. I have never felt so dead inside. Even worse, my parents and Beron have agreed not to wait until the Autumnal Equinox as we have waited a year already and we will be married at the Summer Solstice in less than three months. Cauldron save me. Mother hold me.

***

I am to be married tomorrow. My dress looks exactly like something my mother would pick and it is nothing like the dress I would have chosen for myself had I been able to choose the groom to go with it. I float between states of forced optimism and utter despair. It has been over a year since I last saw him and the ache in my chest from being separated has never eased. I still feel the constant pull and I resent it. Either he does not feel it too and I am a fool or he does and he has been ignoring it, in which case I am still a fool.

I do not know how I shall get through tomorrow but get through it I must. Beron has been kind in his own way and deserves a happy looking bride. He has added bookshelves to my rooms that span the walls of the entire room. In my long, immortal life I will be hard pressed to fill them all. It was a surprising gesture on Beron’s part and I am grateful. I will move into my rooms tomorrow and begin my new life.

***

Mother described what my wifely duties would be but I do not think she was correct. She said it was something that it would be enjoyable in time but I cannot imagine that happening. I am just grateful it was quick and Beron returned to his own rooms after. He seems pleased with himself and was nothing but smiles at breakfast. For the sake of marital happiness, I can endure it although I pray to the Mother that children come quickly. 

***  
Mother and Father stayed only a few days after the wedding but agreed to allow my sisters to remain with me. I assume they hope I will find them advantageous marriages but I have no intentions of doing so. I married advantageously enough for them to marry as they wish.

They are my only solace and comfort. I will keep my sisters with me as long as I can but it is only a matter of time before my Father recalls them. We have spent entire days exploring the Forest House and grounds. It is truly beautiful here. Of all the seasons to live in, Autumn is surely the best.


End file.
